The subject of rape prevention has been bouncing through my reality a lot in the past few months and making me want to smack someone in sheer indignation. Not only that we still live in a world where some men feel entitled to force themselves on women, but also that girls are largely not taught to defend themselves. I doubt we will ever live in a world without violence. It isn’t realistic even to hope for that. But why do we continue instilling the value of traditional femininity over the value of self sufficiency?
It occurs to me that I have a lot to be grateful to my mother for. She served in the military before I was born and she fears no man. Once a friend of hers was staying with us after leaving an abusive partner. The man showed up at our door with a rifle and demanded to see his wife. My mother noticed that the safety was on so she disarmed him, took the safety off and pointed it back at him.
I’ve also seen her forcibly remove a 250 pound man from her house for being disrespectful. Yeah, this is the woman who raised me. Consequently there is only one person in the world I’m scared of, and that is my little sister.
So, growing up with a mother who refused to wear a dress and put the fear of god into my male friends when I was a teenager, I get seriously impatient with women who did not have this advantage. I feel sorry for them but I also feel superior to them and this makes me a bastard.
So what is the solution? We can’t all have kickass military moms obviously. But I want to put this out to every parent in the world. Teach your sons not to be assholes and teach your daughters how to deal with assholes. Maybe tell them that being independent and strong is better than having perfect nails and hair. That would help.
But the two aren’t mutually exclusive. I wear dresses and lipstick and all that. I’m one hot number actually. And I like being pretty. But I pity the idiot who ever tries to attack me. In the face of domestic violence I have fought back with such force that I very much doubt that the guy will ever fuck with a woman again. I also have martial arts training so I really don’t know what he was thinking.
So, we can retain our feminine beauty if we like and still kick ass. I think it’s crucial that we do. The ass kicking part I mean. I think some women are scared that if they drop the victim act men won’t love them. It is not true. I get lots of love. Hot, steamy, sticky, passionate love.
I think self defense should be taught to girls in school. Honestly. Imagine how dramatically date rape stats would drop if every horny teenage boy knew for a fact that his prom date could break him with her bare hands.
But no, instead I get handy tips like not growing my hair and always checking my cab before I get in in case there is a rapist in there. Apparently the correct use of pepper spray is to hold it up and yell, “I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY!” Instead of, I dunno, spraying it. Who knew?
In the article I linked above there are some useful nuggets on how to physically deter a man bent on attacking you, and I do especially agree with the bit that says fighting back at all will deter a rapist because rape is not about sex, it’s about power. A rapist is a sad, sissy little coward that has to force himself on a woman to feel powerful.
Why should we fear a person so pathetic when a swift kick in the goolies will restore things to their proper balance? And by the way, that is the bit he has to expose in order to rape you! But instead of focusing on empowering ourselves to act, we are told not to walk the streets at night, not to have long hair, not to be compassionate. It doesn’t escape me that these tips come from actual rapists who are more than likely getting off on the fear and paranoia those tips instil in some women. How many criminals can continue attacking their victims from prison?
We need to stop thinking of ourselves as victims and start thinking of ourselves as dangerous to predators. Like porcupines, which are apparently delicious but just try taking a bite out of one.
And that is why guys don’t mess with me, because I’m a fucking porcupine.