Men are not a special interest group part 2

As promised, part 2. I’ve received the predictable amount of criticism for part 1 but I am impressed and gratified at the amount of discussion it’s generated. I don’t just mean in the comments here and on Facebook, but also between myself and my partner.

My partner is someone I consider exemplary of the best male virtues. He is physically strong and capable of anything from building bookshelves to punching out bad guys. My friends and I joke that he’s rassled lions and pooped on cobras and despite his extreme modesty on the subject of his amazing feats of derring-do, it really isn’t far from the truth. In addition to this he does his share of the housework, is touchingly kind to people and animals, humble to a fault, sensitive, loving and unafraid of his vulnerability. He is a balanced person whom I would not hesitate to trust with my own life and the life of my niece, who is the most important person in my world.

He also exemplifies some of the less endearing aspects of masculinity. I’m looking at a pair of his dirty socks on the living room floor right now. Nobody is perfect.

So because I love him and value his opinion I went through this list with him to find out what his thoughts were. Interestingly, we for the most part agree. This is because we are pretty realistic people with the same sarcastic sense of humour and we both think whiners need to suck it up and do something constructive. So I have the permission of my man to continue thinking thoughts and writing them down. Huzzah!

Here we go again. This time with pictures!

• I need men’s rights because talk-shows think it’s funny if I am wounded or sexually mutilated by a woman;

Ok I admit, when I heard about John and Loreena Bobbit I did laugh a bitter and vengeful laugh on her behalf. But I was like 13 at the time and have become somewhat more enlightened since.  Now I no longer think it is funny that anyone can be driven by abuse to such lengths as to avenge it by cutting off their abuser’s body parts. I think it’s sad. I also think talk shows are stupid.

• I need men’s rights because while the rape of a woman is properly regarded as a crime, the rape of a man is funny;

That is also not funny. Neither was it funny when Reteah Parsons was cyber-bullied into suicide by people who though her rape was funny.

• I need men’s rights because mutilation of male infants is considered normal – and those arguing for the protection of male infants from mutilation are regularly slandered as anti-semites and bigots;

This is touchy ground right here. Many religions practice barbaric and archaic habits that have existed since long before human rights became something people cared about. On the one hand, some uncut men choose circumcision later in life for a variety of reasons, including medical. On the other hand it is traumatic to an infant and usually unnecessary. I think the problem here is not society but a very deep resistance to change in human nature, especially when the change violates holy writ. This is why I am at best a lazy pagan and possibly veering toward atheism. But that is just me. I’d be tackling child rape by priests first, personally, because it is definitely much more traumatic and I was raised in Christianity and can do so with some impunity.

• I need men’s rights because my sexuality is routinely characterized as violent pathology, rather than as a natural part of my human identity;

Sexuality is a pretty personal thing, isn’t it? One person’s violent pathology is another person’s swingin’ Saturday night. I have kinks that others consider to be unsettling. I remain unaffected by what others think of this and I’d recommend the same. Unless you are a rapist, in which case, get help.

Violent pathology? Perhaps not. Fucking weird as shit? Yup.

Violent pathology? Perhaps not. Fucking weird as shit? Yup.

• I need men’s rights because women assume it’s my fault if I am assaulted by a woman;

There are some women who are bigger, stronger and meaner than men, who like to intimidate men. They are assholes just like men who do this. On the other hand, I was once compelled to use extreme force to repel my much larger male attacker/ex boyfriend. Despite it being self defense I was still arrested.

• I need men’s rights because people think it is irresponsible to have me work around children;

Again, who are YOU? Some people shouldn’t be around kids. But considering all the male teachers, camp counsellors and child psychologists there are, if YOU are considered irresponsible around children, maybe you are. Or maybe you’re a catholic priest.

kindergarten cop

• I need men’s rights because I have the right to the same sexual sovereignty given to women;

I do not even know what this means.

• I need men’s rights because I believe that the feminist idea that a woman in the United States is equally oppressed as a woman in Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia in cruel and insulting;

Again, Canadian over here. But did you know, human trafficking also happens here? Did you know we have Sharia courts here? And that many women are compelled to obey their husbands or suffer their wrath? And exactly what the fuck do any of those facts have to do with your need for male rights?

• I need men’s rights because I should not be ashamed of my sexuality;

Well neither should I but I was getting called a slut before I was ever sexually active. Do you know how many women are psychologically incapable of orgasm because of the prevailing underlying idea that nice girls don’t have sex for their own pleasure? If we can overcome that, so can you. Chin up, boys!


• I need men’s rights because women who find me unattractive will shame me can call me creepy for politely interacting with them, and they will be praised for this cruelty;

Maybe you are creepy? Some guys are creepy. 

Pictured: The guy who made creeps cool.

Pictured: The guy who made creeps cool.

• I need men’s rights because I was sexually harassed by several drunk women twice my age and everyone at the party thought it was funny;

So if they were attractive and your age or younger would it have been acceptable?

• I need men’s rights because my size and strength is commonly used to pretend that I am violent, which I am not;

Just be glad you aren’t fat, which according to society strips you of all human value.

• I need men’s rights because if I am small or weak doesn’t mean I have a Napoleon complex;

Doesn’t mean you don’t, either. But that bully who kicked sand in your face? Probably a dude. He needs rights too cuz he’s a man!

• I need men’s rights because the type of car I drive does not give you the right to shame me or belittle me;

My boyfriend says, “Yeah it does.” And you have no one to blame for it but yourselves. Decades of men identifying with their cars to an almost fanatical extent have impressed on us all that the guy in the Mazerati is cool and slick (and loaded), the guy in the Dodge Ram is a rough, tough manly man, and the guy driving the shitty Pinto with rust spots and garbage all over the floor probably has an apartment to match (in his mom’s basement) and who wants to date that guy? Not me. My boyfriend doesn’t even have a car, though he has a shitty bike that I rag him about constantly.

The the guy who drives this probably has a Napolean complex.

The the guy who drives this probably has a Napolean complex.

• I need men’s rights because I have the right to associate with other men without legal action forcing me to allow women, too;

Freemasons. Also I freely invite you to check out Curves Fitness one day and see how much it sucks. Make it lame or boring or wussy enough and even women won’t want to go there. I advise you to start up a poker night like my friend Pat’s husband. Or fantasy baseball. Or just hang a No Girls Allowed sign on your garage and watch how fast you never get laid again.

No Girls Allowed!

No Girls Allowed!

Whew! Believe it or not, the mantra doesn’t end there. But some of us have lives. Part 3 to come!

3 Responses to “Men are not a special interest group part 2”

  1. David M. Green Says:

    Re:Men are not a special interest group

    Nor are feminists – women or any of the other groups who claim to have “special Interests”.

    Re: the guy in the Dodge Ram is a rough, tough manly man,

    Unfortunately the guy’s who drive pick up trucks tend to be some of the worst and most careless drivers on the road the perfect example of a bully which isn’t manly in the least.

  2. […] really, why that one? When I have informative or insightful or amusing or stupidly hilarious things you can read and share with your friends, and they with their friends, […]

  3. Gooey Sock, where a guy can use a sock for just about anything but a rubber.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: