Psychic: What it is and what it ain’t.

So apparently some people don’t read very well. A number of people not only missed the final admonition of my last post, but also the entire point of that article, and pelted me with smug demands for proof or cited Sylvia Browne’s incorrect reading of Amanda Berry’s death as though that discredits the entire subject.

I don’t remember saying I wanted skeptics to take me seriously. I believe what I said was I’d really like opinionated motherfuckers to mind their own goddamn business and not feel the need to air their cleverness every time ideas they personally don’t credit come up. That was my argument. Not, “Psychics are the real deal.” But, “Please put a cork in your tiresome noisehole and show some respect for a differing viewpoint.”

Regardless of any arguments to the contrary, I’ve experienced the world in a certain way my entire life. I really don’t appreciate being told that my experience of the world is invalid. And if you think it is, again, shut the fuck up. I seriously don’t care.

I had to get that off my chest. What follows is some personal experiences with this ability, including benefits and problems, and some “anecdotal evidence.” Also why Sylvia Browne being wrong about Amanda Berry may be the result of compassion rather than charlatanism.

Upon careful reading, everything below is all over the goddamn map. I could write a whole post about any topic I address here, but I just want to be done with this post because I there’s other stuff I want to write about.

So, my personal experience has been since early childhood that I caught on to things many others did not. I never thought there was anything abnormal in my level of perception. I thought everyone else was playing dumb, because it was explained to me very early on that there are some things that aren’t polite to talk about, like a person’s weight.

So I really didn’t think about it too much and whenever someone looked at me funny for something I said, I figured were were in “That’s rude” territory and not, “How the fuck did you know that?” territory.

Part of this can be attributed to an extreme sensitivity to body language, microexpressions, minute changes in vocal inflections etc. There is nothing supernatural about this.

I really don’t like the word “supernatural” at all. Nature is nature. Nothing violates the laws of nature, even things we find difficult to explain because they perhaps run on laws we aren’t yet familiar with. All of our knowledge of natural law could fit on a tiny speck spinning around a much larger speck which is itself dwarfed by a great multitude of other specks all separated by unfathomable distances in fucking space! We haven’t even figured Earth out yet but you think you know something about the universe?

milky way

Ranting again. Sorry.

Anyway, I took up tarot and eventually went pro, because I tend to be right on most things. Not only in that vague “could apply to anyone” way but in pretty damn specific ways also. More on that later.

Every psychic’s talents run in different directions. For example, my primary ability is reading personalities. I can conjecture likely outcomes of situations based on the people involved and what they are likely to do. And sometimes I think I’m straight making shit up and wind up prophesying precisely what will happen. It’s fucking weird and even I don’t get why that is.

Other people are better at finding lost objects or missing people, something I am no good at. This brings me to another point.

Something people like to do a lot when a person claims psychic awareness is to demand that you provide perfect, detailed and flawless information and be 100% correct every time. The fact that nobody can do this does not, once again, mean we are all fakes.

It’s for the same reason you can’t run as fast as a cheetah or jump as high as Superman. Because we live in a body which imposes limits on your abilities for your own good. Imagine having to walk around knowing everything everyone was thinking and every detail of reality all the time. You’d go insane by age 3.

Which brings me to Sylvia Browne. I’m not a fan of her, but her misread of such a high profile case is a good example of a problem that any professional reader deals with. You will be wrong sometimes. Or you may be right but for one reason or other you feel it would be more harmful to tell than not to.

I am so glad I have never faced the terrified mother of an abducted child. Because let’s suppose that Sylvia actually knew that the girl was still alive, saw Amanda being repeatedly raped, held in a windowless room, giving birth to the child of the monster who imprisoned her. But what she can’t see is where or who has her.

 Do you tell that to a mother when you aren’t able to access the information to do anything about it? Give her even more reasons to be frantic for her daughter but nothing that can help?  So instead you say the girl is dead so the mother can have closure and if you turn out to be wrong and they are reunited, the result is only joy.


I want to be clear that I’m conjecturing here. I can already hear the barrage of frothing wrath that will come for even kinda sticking up for Sylvia Browne. But I maintain that whether she was wrong or simply lying about what she saw, she did less harm than she might have.

Because this is not an exact science. People want advice about things sometimes and you do the best you can and if you are talented you mostly help. But that can be a scary tightrope to walk at times.

Something does worry  me is when I actually do not know if I am being clairvoyant or telepathic. A client was being stolen from and generally messed with but she didn’t know who it was. While trying to get an answer out of the tarot the image of a green alligator kept popping into my head. It was really insistent and finally I said, “This is really weird but does a green alligator have any bearing on this situation?”

I am not a crook.

I am not a crook.

At this point I expected her to look at me like I was nuts but she said, “My niece collects alligator things. Figurines and stuffed toys and things like that. She’s around a lot because I live with her mother and she was wearing a green alligator t-shirt last time she was over. And she hates me.”

It was only sometime later that I wondered, what if I picked up on the woman’s suspicions about the girl and not the objective truth of the situation? If I was being clairvoyant right there, we nailed our man. If I was reading her mind I may have just strengthened completely unfounded suspicions and exacerbated family static.

But the girl sounded like a bitch to me, so I was probably right.

There is one experience which convinced me that I’m not all crazy and lucky guesses. Once I took an aura reading workshop. We were all given paper and crayons and told to draw the person at the front of the room. The instructor told us that we may all see different things and not to worry about it. This seemed to me like a strong argument in favour of this aura thing being bullshit.

I kept seeing this blue tornado shape over her head so I drew it. As far as I know no one was looking at anyone else’s drawings so it was really odd when 8 out of 12 of us all drew the same tornado thing. The best part was when it was my turn to be drawn I concentrated really hard on having horns growing out of my head. All but one person drew two little spiky projections on my head! And all of them called them antennae and speculated that I was the spiritual descendant of extra terrestrials because new agers are fucking crazy.

However, what I now know is that we have an energy field which extends well outside the physical body, that this can be perceived without special equipment, and that it can be manipulated at will. Also that if 11 out of 12 people see the same invisible thing, it’s probably there.

Here are some things that psychic is not. Don’t ask me to do any of these things:

Read your mind on command. Because fuck you.

Tell you the winning lottery numbers. Obviously if I knew that I’d be chilling on a beach made of diamond dust instead of droning in an office.

Provide perfect, complete information.

Guess your birthday or your address or any stupid parlour tricks like that.

Read you without my cards. I can sometimes do it but I am rambling and unfocused as hell.

Also don’t act as though my inability to do any of those things discredits the entire practice. If you can’t do calculus it doesn’t mean you can’t fill out a tax return or add up your purchases at a grocery store.

All of these are claims that many will scoff at, and that’s fair enough. However they are my experiences. I am either insane, or a liar, or the real goddamn deal. If you know me you know which of those is likely. If you don’t, I am prepared for your soundoffs in the comments.


One Response to “Psychic: What it is and what it ain’t.”

  1. […] really, why that one? When I have informative or insightful or amusing or stupidly hilarious things you can read and share with your friends, and they with […]

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